Sonny With a Chance Season 3
by BrownEyedGirl93
Summary: Okay, if Disney won't do it, I will! Here you'll find screenplays for a hypothetical season 3...WITH SONNY STILL THERE! Lots of laughs and Channy included!
1. Food Fight Episode 1, Part 1

**A/N: Hey, guys, so I'm doing something a little different this time...I'm writing screenplays for future hypothetical SWAC episodes. This is how I think the season should have played out if Demi hadn't left. I'm gonna split each episode into two or three chapters, and I hope you guys like them! **

**This first episode "Food Fight" is based on that food fight episode of _Lizzie McGuire_ (anyone remember that show? lol) and that episode was based on _The Breakfast Club._**

**Disclaimer: If I really owned Sonny With a Chance, this is what I'd do with it...**

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><p><strong>Announcer<strong>: Are you ready to get So Random!

.  
>[Audience cheers on the <em>So Random!<em> stage]

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**Sonny**: [sitting in a restaurant set with Nico, both acting as customers] Excuse me, waiter? We're done!

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**Nico**: Yeah, check, please!

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**Grady**: [as the waiter] I'm afraid I can't give you that, sir.

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**Nico**: why not?

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**Grady**: Well, see, this is an all-you-can-eat buffet. I don't think you've eaten ALL YOU CAN EAT yet. [puts more plates of food in front of them]

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**Sonny**: What? Are you insane?

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**Nico**: Well, I guess we could eat a little more…

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**Sonny**: NO! I'm trying to lose 3.5 pounds!

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**Grady**: Then may I suggest our salad bar! [plops down heaping plate of salad]

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**Sonny**: Uh, I really don't need that much salad!

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**Grady**: Hey, do you wanna lose those four pounds or not? You gotta commit to these things, or they never work! [plops down fruit platters]

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**Sonny**: It's _THREE AND A HALF_ POUNDS! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?

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**Grady**: [puts up arms] Hey, I'm just trying to help you get what you paid for.

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**Nico**: Okay, come on, let's just eat a little more.

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[Later]

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**Nico**: Okay, waiter, check please!

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**Grady**: No, I still don't think that's ALL you can eat. [plops down more plates of food]

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**Nico**: Oh, God, I think I'm gonna be sick! [runs out]

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**Sonny**: Right behind you! [runs out after him]

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**Grady**: Huh, I guess that WAS all they could eat.

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**Grady**: [runs out after them] WAIT! AREN'T YOU GONNA PAY YOUR CHECK?

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**Announcer**: That's it for now, but join us next week for more "All You Can Eat Eddy!"

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[Audience cheers]

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[Sonny With a Chance Theme Song plays]

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[Scene changes to lunchtime in the cafeteria]

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**Sonny**: [hides under a cafeteria table with her cast, close to crying] I mean, how did we come to this? Have we really been reduced to acting like savage beasts? This was completely avoidable!

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**Nico**: [holding up a tray under the table] What? You never seen a food fight before?

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[Camera pans out to capture the whole cafeteria, crowded with young actors, crew members and extras engaging in a messy food fight]

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**Sonny**: [still hiding under table] No, and I think it's completely unnecessary and wasteful! There are millions of starving children in Africa and Haiti and Japan who would love to have all this food everyone's throwing around so ungratefully!

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**Nico**: [through gritted teeth] well then why don't you create a teleportation device and send it to them? In the meantime, I've got a good aim at the losers from the Falls, so shhh![Launches food from plastic spoon]

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**Tawni**: [hiding next to Sonny] Well, I agree with Sonny 'cause someone got greasy fries in my hair! [shrieks as food flies past her] this _has_ to stop!

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**Grady**: Hey, Nico, I just realized something…why are _we_ hiding? I mean, I don't know about you, but I think I'll live if my hair gets dirty today!

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**Nico**: Yeah, let's get outta here…I got a better aim at Pooper from out there, anyway! [both leave]

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**Tawni**: (gasps loudly and holds out a strand of hair] IS THAT MEAT SAUCE?

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**Sonny**: Okay, that's it…this needs to stop, _now_. I'm gonna go and try to find a way out. (stands up to leave)

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**Tawni**: What? You're just gonna leave me here by myself? [shrieks again as food flies by and covers herself with fallen trays]

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**Sonny**: I think you'll be fine for two minutes. [stands up, only to be splattered with melted cheese]

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**Zora**: Hello, inferiors. Never underestimate the power of…the CHEESE CATUPULT!

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**Tawni**: [cackles from behind trays]

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**Sonny**: [groans in frustration]

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**Sonny**: [stands amidst the food fight] I can't believe this is still going on! I'm about to put an end to this! (gets hit with more food)

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**Tawni**: [laughs] Oh, that just keeps getting better! [stands and looks for something to throw]

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**Sonny**: Okay, WHO THREW THAT? [Raises her "ick on a stick"]

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[Ms. Bitterman marches in and everyone stops throwing food]

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**Ms Bitterman**: Everyone, freeze! [Sees Sonny, Tawni and Chad with food in their hands] YOU THREE! MONROE, COOPER, HART! I see who the bad apples in the barrel are…now clean yourselves off and report to Mr. Condor's office immediately!

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**Sonny**: (drops her "ick on a stick") But I wasn't gonna throw it; I swear! I only raised it in self-defense!

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**Tawni**: I didn't even get a chance to hit anybody yet!

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**Chad**: Leave the girls, I'm the one you want! Wait, no, I meant that the other way around!

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**Ms. Bitterman**: I don't care for your chitchat, I said _immediately_, people!

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[Scene changes to Nico and Grady in the prop house]

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**Nico**: [enters prop house with Grady, both covered with food] Most. Epic. Food fight. EVER! (high fives Grady)

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**Grady**: Aw, no question, man. That was the most fun we've had at lunch since Chad let us borrow the forklift!

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**Nico**: Aw, yeah… [both reminisce fondly]

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**Grady**: [gets a text, checks his phone and gasps] Uh, dude, I got a problem!

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**Nico**: What? Oh, God, don't tell me Sonny's gonna make us help her clean up…[cringes]

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**Grady**: Naw, it's that new girl Mel. I just got a date with her, and it's tomorrow!

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**Nico**: Hmm, yeah, I see the problem. _You_ got a date tomorrow, and I don't.

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**Grady**: No, man! I just…I don't know what to do on a date!

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**Nico**: Aw, come on, G…you're acting like this is your first date!

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**Grady**: Well…it's definitely NOT! I've been on plenty of dates…there was uh, that fake one with Sonny…and uh…

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**Nico**: Oh God…this _is_ your first date!

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**Grady**: Psh, I never said that…but if it was…uh, what should I do?

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**Nico**: (sighs and puts an arm around Grady) Well G-man, you've come to the right place. Don't worry, I'll have ya ready by tomorrow.

.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, that was short. The next chaper will have a bigger chunk of the episode. But yeah, what do you guys think so far? Also, let me know if you have any suggestions for future episode plots!**

**REVIEW! **


	2. Food Fight Part 2

**A/N: So this is part 2 of the last episode "Food Fight"...part 3 is comig soon, so stay tuned!**

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><p>[Scene changes to Mr. Condor ushering Sonny, Tawni, and Chad back into the cafeteria]<p>

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**Mr. Condor**: Now, you three will either be cleaning this entire cafeteria or writing a 500-word essay on who started the food fight and why they should be the ones to clean the mess.

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**Tawni**: [raises hand]

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**Mr. Condor**: (sighs) Yes, Tawni?

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**Tawni**: So, like, all we have to do is write down who did it, and then we can go?

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**Mr. Condor**: Only if most of you can agree on the person who is at fault. Until then, start cleaning! [Storms off]

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**Chad**: Okay, which one of you Randoms thought it would be hilarious to start a food fight in the middle of the cafeteria?

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**Sonny**: Chad, you know I would never do something like this!

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**Tawni**: Well I didn't do it either…you think I wanted to get all dirty? And stop trying to blame us; you know you did it, why don't you 'fess up?

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**Chad**: Impossible. This TV star (gestures to himself) runs on a tight schedule, and starting a food battle that could've damaged my hair wasn't on the agenda.

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**Sonny**: Okay guys, that's enough he said she said. Why don't we all go around and tell our side of the story?

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**Chad**: [sarcastically] yeah! then we can all play ring-around-the-rosie and sing the cleanup song, woohoo!

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**Sonny**: Chad, just tell us your version of what happened.

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**Tawni**: unless you're _scared_…we all know you did it.

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**Chad**: I did not! Okay, you wanna know my story? Here's what happened:

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[Scene changes to Chad's flashback/imagination]

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**Chad** (narrating): I had just wrapped up another flawless rehearsal on the Falls set. My cast was following me to the cafeteria like a herd of mindless sheep as always, and we walked past a peculiar brunette…

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**Flashback Sonny**: Hey, Chad, look at this magazine! [holds up Tween Weekly] It says you're the #1 Perfect Boyfriend! I knew it all along!

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**Flashback Chad**: Oh, hey, Sonny. Listen, I know how hard our breakup has been on you, so I'm just going to be a perfect gentleman and walk away so you don't have to think about me. The time for talking is over…[walks away slowly, staring back longingly]

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**Flashback Sonny**: Oh my God, Chad Dylan Cooper just spoke to me! Doesn't he look so perfect today? And he's so humble and modest even though he knows he's the greatest actor of our generation! I was SO WRONG to let him go!

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**Flashback Tawni**: Yeah, that was pretty bad…but now that you guys are done, can I take a shot at him? (grins) What I wouldn't do to get my hands on that perfect hair of his…

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**Flashback Sonny**: NO!

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**Chad (narrating):** unfortunately, the two comedy stars were deprived of their amazing view of me when a bunch of girls crowded me as usual, begging for my autograph. When I finally got to Brenda, she served me up a nice rack of lamb—ya know, 'cause I'm a huge star. I was walking back to my table, and that's when I saw it—Zora's cheese catapult. That mail guy, Jeff or whatever, was klutzy enough to bump his tray into it, causing the cheese to fly off and hit some teen gladiator in the face. Then he, of course, had to retaliate, and the next thing you know, it was an all out war.

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[Flashback scene ends]

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**Sonny**: Uh, I never said any of that when you stopped to talk to me.

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**Tawni**: Yeah, me neither. [scoffs]

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**Chad**: You didn't have to. It was written all over your faces. But the point of the story is: I was an innocent bystander.

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**Tawni**: Then why were you about to launch a lamb chop at Nico when Mr. Condor called you out?

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**Chad**: (snaps) It was peer pressure, okay?

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**Tawni**: Of course it was. (smiles sweetly) Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Sonny for a moment. (pulls Sonny aside)

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**Tawni**: Okay, I don't know about you, but I thought that story was wayyy off. The way I see it, I know

you didn't do it, you know I didn't do it, so let's scribble down his three names in our essay and hit the mall!

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**Sonny**: Tawni, we can't just blame him! There's no proof that he started it!

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**Tawni**: Well, there's no proof he didn't! C'mon, I'll buy you a new purse! (tugs Sonny's arm)

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**Sonny**: No, we can't…

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**Tawni**: Oh, sure, stick up for your _boyfriend!_

_._

**Sonny**: Tawni, you know he's my ex…

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**Tawni**: Exactly! Ex, as in, you hate his guts. He didn't treat you right. He doesn't deserve any fair treatment...so show him your fury! Let's blow him off! C'mon!

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**Sonny**: No! I'm not dragging our personal issues in here!

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**Tawni**: (grumbles) FINE.

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[Scene changes to Nico and Grady in the prop house]

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**Nico**: Okay, let's practice for your big date. I'll be the girl, and you be yourself, but with a better personality.

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**Grady**: Aw, I wanted to be the girl!

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**Nico**: Well, too bad. Now sit down. [Both sit across from each other at a table]

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**Grady**: Ah, this isn't gonna work. You look nothing like Mel. Here, put one of these in front of your face. (pulls out notebook with drawings of Mel)

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**Nico**: Wow, man, you drew all these? (flips through notebook)

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**Grady**: Yeah, I kinda cheated, though. I used her pictures on Flitter for references. Don't tell her!

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**Nico**: Uh, I won't…

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**Grady**: I have another notebook full of drawings of her from memory, though; wanna see?

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**Nico**: Okay, I can't decide if this is amazing or just plain creepy.

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**Grady**: What, drawing girls? It's one of my many talents. Another layer, if you will…

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**Nico**: Uh huh…well okay, let's start. [begins to rip out drawing]

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**Grady**: Hey, don't rip it out man!

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**Nico**: [sighs and flips over notebook, facing Grady with his "Mel face."]

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**Grady**: [rambles in Scottish accent] Uh, hiya Mel!

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**Nico**: Okay, man, rule #1: Lose the accent. Now let's start over…

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**Grady**: (says nothing)

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**Nico**: Okay, _I'll _start…(ahem) [begins talking like a girl] Oh, hi Grady! Nice to finally see you again!

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**Grady**: Uh, yeah, you too. I mean, I would've asked you out sooner, but I was nervous. Uh, not 'cause it's my first date or anything, no! Believe me, I've got plenty of experience! I just uh…oh geez. (sighs)

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**Nico**: This is not gonna be easy, is it?

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[Commercial Cut]

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[Scene changes back to Sonny, Chad, and Tawni in the cafeteria]

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**Chad**: (Notices Sonny and Tawni talking in the corner) Hey, so if you ladies are done talking about how awesome I am, I'd like to hear Tawni's side of the story, if you don't mind…

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**Tawni**: What? You think I did this? 'Cause I totally didn't! Okay, here's what happened: I arrived on the studio, glorious as ever…

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[Scene changes to Tawni's flashback]

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**Tawni**: (narrating) Marshall had rejected my plan for Tawni Town _again_, so I was forced to do the best with what I had.

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**Flashback Tawni**: [wearing the crown off Tawni Town, enters the cafeteria with the rest of her cast] Hey, so, great rehearsal today, guys! [Smiles sweetly] Sonny, I especially liked the work you did in that banana peel sketch…very expressive!

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**Sonny**: [gasps] Thanks, Tawni! [Turns to Nico, Grady, and Zora] Did you guys see that? Tawni Hart just complimented me! I guess I am worthy of being in her presence!

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**Tawni**: (narrating) Then Chad walked by and said something I didn't care enough to remember. Then we walked over to our table and sat down, only for me to be adored by my fans.

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**Flashback Random Girl**: Oh my God, you're the queen of Tawni Town! I am your biggest fan! Here, have these fashion magazines! [piles them onto the table] Not that you need them, of course…(giggles). They're just a token of my appreciation!

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**Tawni**: (narrating) Then after all my fans were done adoring-slash-suffocating me, I was about to start eating when I noticed Zora's cheese catapult just sitting there on the edge of the table unattended, with a big hunk of your Wisconsin cheese sitting on the end.

…And normally, I would've moved it aside, since I'm such a nice person. But I didn't want Zora to get mad 'cause I touched it, so I left it there. But then, out of nowhere, some kid accidentally set it off, and the cheese hit this really hot guy who was totally checking me out right before it happened—but then the food fight started and I think I heard Zora cackling.

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[Flashback scene ends]

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**Tawni**: If you ask me, I think she had planned to destroy Tawni Town from the start. Jealousy is really getting her nowhere, but I'll just let her figure that out on her own. [Smiles proudly]

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**Sonny**: (shakes head) Wow. The world is really twisted through your eyes, isn't it? [Looks pointedly at Tawni and Chad]

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**Tawni**: Fine, let's hear your story, Miss Teller of Truth. [Crosses arms in a huff]

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**Sonny**: Thank you. Now here's how it really went down. We had just finished a great rehearsal and we were making our way down to the cafeteria…

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[Scene changes to Sonny's flashback]

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**Flashback Tawni**: Hey guys, didn't I do an amazing job in rehearsal today? I was perfect, as always. (Flips hair)

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**Flashback Sonny**: Uh, yeah, I think we _all_ did great.

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**Flashback Tawni**: Well, that's not really relevant, but I suppose I did like the part of that banana peel sketch where you slipped and fell on your face. [Smiles sweetly]

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**Flashback Sonny**: Yep, that's always fun…

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**Sonny**: (narrating) That's when Chad walked by with his cast behind him…

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**Flashback Chad**: Hey, hey Sonny…[slips an arm around her] so, you ready to take me back yet?

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**Flashback** **Sonny**: (smiles weakly) Um, I don't think so.

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**Flashback Chad**: Okay, I anticipated that…which is why I brought this to change your mind. [Pulls out magazine]

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**Flashback Sonny**: (looks at magazine and reads aloud) Tween Weekly names Chad Dylan Cooper #1 Perfect Boyfriend.

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**Flashback Chad**: As you can see, Zac Efron is #2…(scoffs) how pathetic, right?

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**Flashback Sonny**: Chad, this article is from a few months ago, back when we were dating. And they only made you #1 because I told them all these nice things about you in an interview!

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**Flashback Chad**: Oh, good; so you agree with them, then!

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**Flashback** **Sonny**: Uh, not so much anymore…

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**Flashback** **Chad**: [pulls magazine away] FINE.

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**Flashback Sonny**: Fine!

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**Flashback Chad**: Good!

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**Flashback Sonny**: Good!

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**Flashback Tawni**: Okay, let's go…(pulls Sonny to their table)

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**Sonny**: (narrating) So we sat down at our table, and some girl came up to Tawni…

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**Flashback Random Girl**: Hey, Tawni Hart, right?

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**Flashback Tawni**: Yeah, but also known as Queen Tawni of Tawni Town. That's actually what most people call me these days, just a heads-up. Here's my autograph. (Signs a napkin and gives it to the girl with a long sigh)

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**Flashback Random Girl**: Uh, thanks. But anyway, I noticed that you like to read fashion magazines, and I was wondering if you'd like to buy some for this fundraiser I'm doing. [spreads out magazines on the table]

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**Flashback Tawni**: Oh, very well. Anything for my adoring fans! (Pays her)

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**Flashback Random Girl**: Oh, wow, thanks! This is really gonna help rescue those puppies! [Walks away with money]

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**Flashback Tawni**: Gawd, can you believe my fans? It's like they'll do anything just for a chance to talk to me! (Flips hair)

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**Sonny**: (narrating) That's when it happened. Josh accidentally triggered Zora's cheese catapult, and launched the cheese at some gladiator. He threw some food back, and before anyone knew it, things got really messy. Perfectly good food was being flung left and right, and I know that before this, I said even starving hobos wouldn't want Brenda's ick-on-a-stick, but I was totally exaggerating!

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[Flashback scene ends]

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**Sonny**: (voice breaks)…and I can't believe I've been taking all this food for granted! This was such a waste…

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[Looks up to see Tawni passed out on a chair, snoring with her head down on the table and Chad staring at her with rapt attention, starting to clap slowly]

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**Chad**: (walks over to Sonny and puts an arm around her) Wow…y'know Sonny, I really liked your story.

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**Sonny**: Well, thanks, Chad!

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**Chad**: I mean, you have such a natural gift for storytelling! It was really creative.

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**Sonny**: What are you talking about? I just recalled what actually happened. Yours was the "creative" one.

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**Chad**: Okay, well then…it was very _inspiring_.

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**Sonny**: What do you mean, _inspiring?_ It was about a bunch of idiots who thought it would be a good idea to waste food!

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**Chad**: Okay, well…you know what I mean.

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**Sonny**: No, and I'm not sure I want to.

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**Chad**: Okay, well, you know how we used to date and stuff…

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**Sonny**: Yeah, what's your point?

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**Chad**: Well, I'm just saying…a few harsh words aren't gonna stand in the way of us proving our loyalty to each other, right?

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**Sonny**: Um, okay…if you're trying to butter me up to take your side and put Tawni's name in the essay, then it's not gonna work. I was with her when it happened; I know she didn't start it!

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**Chad**: Oh, sure, stick up for Princess Cocoa Mocoa Cocoa!

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**Tawni**: I can hear you!

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**Sonny**: Okay, Tawni, get up. You guys know how ridiculous this is? Do you realize that if we'd been cleaning this whole time instead of arguing about who started it, we could've been done by now? Now let's just finish up and get outta here.

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**Tawni & Chad**: (grumble incoherently)

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><p><strong>AN: Wow, screenwriting is a LOT harder than I thought it would be. You have to worry about subplots, commercial cuts, adding laugh-track-worthy jokes, timing, etc. It's actually a lot harder than writing a story. But I've always thought it would be cool to be a TV sitcom writer, so this is good practice.**

**REVIEW! =)**


	3. Food Fight Part 3

[Scene changes to Nico and Grady in the prop house]

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**Nico**: Okay, I know we can solve your talking-to-girls problem. We'll make you a conversation cheat sheet. [pulls out index card and pen]

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**Grady**: I don't know…isn't that cheating?

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**Nico**: Yeah, but so was using her Flitter photos to draw her. (smirks) Now, what do you think you should talk about with her?

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**Grady**: Well, I've always wanted to know how she gets her hair so perfect…I mean, it's got a pink streak, but it's also really shiny. It's like she's saying she's wild…but she can be tamed…

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**Nico**: [looks wierded out] Yeah, let's skip over that part.

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**Grady**: Yeah, I guess that's more of a second-date topic.

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**Nico**: Yeah, let's see you get past the first one.

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**Grady**: Okay, what should I talk about?

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**Nico**: How about your job on So Random? You could talk about the sketches you're doin', or talk about her job at The Patio. (writes on card)…What else?

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**Grady**: Oh! How about the weather? Or what I dreamt of last night. Don't worry, it didn't involve her. It was about polar beavers taking over the world…one beanstalk at a time. [grins]

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**Nico**: [looks wirded out again] Yeah, maybe we should just buy you some new clothes or something.

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[Scene changes back to Sonny, Chad and Tawni, still in the cafeteria]

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**Sonny**: [while mopping the cafeteria floor, sees Tawni and Chad whispering nearby] Okay, guys, what's going on here? [pulls paper out of Chad's hands] Is this your essay? Are you guys selling me out? After all I've done for you?

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**Tawni**: Well, that was our original plan, but then we thought it would be fairer to blame Zora, since it was her cheese catapult that started this whole thing.

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**Chad**: What? No, we're blaming the mail guy, 'cause he was the one who was klutzy enough to set it off.

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**Tawni**: Yeah, but I'm sure that was all part of Zora's evil scheme. She's kind of a mastermind…

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**Chad**: Exactly…so if we blamed her, she'd find some way out of it! Why don't we blame the gladiator? He's the one who had to throw food back…

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**Tawni**: NO! We're not blaming him; he's hot!

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**Sonny**: Guys, guys, guys! We shouldn't blame any of these people! It was a total accident! If anyone, we should blame ourselves!

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**Tawni**: What?

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**Chad**: I don't follow…

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**Sonny**: Well, we were all there! We all had the power to stop it, but we didn't!

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**Tawni**: Excuse me? [raises eyebrow]

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**Sonny**: Yeah, I mean Tawni, you're a trendsetter…if you had said something, people would've listened to you!

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**Tawni**: Yeah, I guess you're right. Everyone _does_ try to be like me. [flips hair]

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**Sonny**: And Chad, you have that charisma! If you'd ordered people to stop throwing food, your cast would have stopped, and then everyone else would have stopped!

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**Chad**: Yeah, I do have that affect on people…[pops collar]

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**Tawni**: Yeah, and you could've given everyone your little lecture on starving hobos.

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**Sonny**: Yes, I could have…so really, we're all at fault here. (smiles weakly) C'mon, let's just clean up and get this done.

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**Tawni**: Eh, why not? [puts on gloves and finally starts cleaning]

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**Chad**: Guess we don't need this essay anymore! [holds up crumpled notebook paper with a bunch of crossed-out names]

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[Scene changes to Nico and Grady]

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**Nico**: Okay Grady, we got you new clothes, new shoes, and that dumb Viking hat. And we also made you a conversation cheat sheet. (Pulls out index card and hands it to Nico) PLEASE tell me you're ready for your date NOW.

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**Grady**: [still wearing new clothes and Viking hat] Well, I think so…let's practice again.

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**Nico**: Okay…[sits down at table and holds up notebook with Mel's picture]

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**Grady**: (looks at index card) Hey, Mel.

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**Nico**: …That's it? You needed your conversation cheat sheet just to say "hey?"

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**Grady**: Hey, I take one step at a time!

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**Nico**: Okay…what are you gonna say next?

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**Grady**: Well, I'm gonna say "so, how was your day?" and then I'm gonna tell her about my day on _So Random._

_._

**Nico**: Hmm, not bad.

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**Grady**: Yeah. You know, I think this Viking hat is doing wonders for my confidence. (adjusts horns)

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**Nico**: You are _not_ wearing that on your date.

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**Grady**: What? You never said that! Now we're gonna have to start all over! (gets a text and checks phone) Oh great, it's Mel.

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**Nico**: Oh, what's she saying?

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**Grady**: She had to pick up extra shifts for work so she wants to reschedule our date for Saturday!

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**Nico**: Aw, man, are you serious?

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**Grady**: Yeah, isn't it great? Now we can practice for it ALL WEEK!

.

**Nico**: Aw, come on! [puts head in hands and groans in defeat]

.

[Commercial Cut]

.

**Mr. Condor**: [walks into the clean cafeteria] Well, I see you've all done a fine job. I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson.

.

**Tawni**: Yeah, never try to clean with a fresh manicure.

.

**Chad**: I should've eaten in my dressing room!

.

**Sonny**: AND…it doesn't matter who started the food fight, because we all had the power to stop it. We may be a Sonny, a Chad, or a Tawni, but the one thing we should've had in common today was the courage to stand up and stop the food fight. In many ways, we are all responsible. So we've cleaned up the cafeteria TOGETHER and learned a lot about each other and ourselves in the process. (smiles genuinely)

.

**Chad**: (looks amazed) Uh, I concur.

.

**Tawni**: Yeah, what she said.

.

**Mr. Condor**: Eh, good enough.

.

THE END

.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So yeah, that was the end of the first episode. What did you guys think? Should I make more? REVIEW!**


	4. Hire Me Not Episode 2, Part 1

**A/N: Hey guys, so I haven't had any complaints about this yet, but I know Chad's a little OOC in my screenplays...I made him more confident because I thought he was funnier in the first season when he was all cocky and not whipped over Sonny. I mean, yes, I wanted them to get together, and it was cute at first, but the writers turned him into a total pansy in season 2. I mean, they made it so cheesy it actually made me cringe a few times. So, in my version, I made him more like he was in the first season-except he's still trying to win Sonny back, but he's doing it in his usual arrogant way. And don't worry, he'll still be a sweetheart to Sonny when he really needs to be. :) **

**Also, in this episode I'm gonna be adding a new character named Shira (gotta polish my characterization skills, lol) and don't worry, she's not a new love interest for Chad, just another funny character to add to the mix. I was gonna add another new character to be a writer on _So Random!_ but I decided to use an old one...you'll see who it is. Enjoy! **

* * *

><p><strong>Tawni<strong>: [standing with Sonny in the lunch line, puts her arm around Sonny] Hey Sonny, I just wanna say I'm SO SORRY your ex-boyfriend is replacing you with some beautiful, exotic foreign girl…trust me, we've all been _there_…

.

**Sonny**: WHAT? [whips her head around to see Chad with a smart-looking Indian girl]

.

**Tawni**: Yeah, but the good thing is, she's like a whole head shorter than you. She probably has to get up on a step stool to kiss him. [cackles]

.

**Sonny**: Well, that was helpful! [rolls eyes and hands Tawni her tray] Here, take my food to the table. I'm gonna go see what's up with them.

.

**Tawni**: Ooh, are you sure you wanna do that? [winces]

.

**Sonny**: (rolls eyes and walks up to Chad) Oh, hey Chad. So…who's this…girl I've never seen around here before? And uh, why am I seeing her here now?

.

**Chad**: Oh, this is Shira. Shira, this is Sonny from _So Random!_

_._

**Shira**: [speaks with a husky voice, but no Indian accent] Hey, nice to meet you. [shakes Sonny's hand] I'm Chad's new assistant.

.

**Chad**: Yeah, just hired her…she was _really_ impressive in her interview. [smirks and puts an arm around her]

.

**Shira**: [shrugs it off] Let go of me, I don't like being touched!

.

**Chad**: [nods and mouths] Yes she does!

.

**Sonny**: [looks back and forth between them] Uh, okay then…

.

**Chad**: [frantically tries to think of something impressive to say] Uh…Shira went to Stanford!

.

**Shira**: Uh, I didn't go to Stanford, I went to Harvard…ever heard of it?

.

**Sonny**: Oh…a college girl…that's always nice! Uh, I should go now…[goes back to her table]

.

[Theme song plays]

.

**Chad**: [walks to the Mack Falls table with Shira] Thanks a lot, Smartmouth. Would it have killed you to play along?

.

**Shira**: [sits down at the table] Okay, I'm lost here. What _was_ that?

.

**Chad**: [sits down and gestures to Sonny] She's mah ex. She still has a thing for me, she just doesn't know it. I was _trying_ to make her jealous.

.

**Shira**: Well, here's some advice. If you're gonna get a fake girlfriend, at least make it _believable_. I mean, I'm three years older than you, and I went to Harvard…do you really think you can get a _me?_

_._

**Chad**: Yes, easily. [rolls eyes and scoffs] I'm a TV star.

.

**Chastity**: Wait, if you're only three years older than us, how can you be a college graduate?

.

**Shira**: I never said I _graduated_, I said I _went_ there…and then I might have dropped out. [looks down]

.

**Chad**: Uh, _why?_

_._

**Shira**: [twitches uncomfortably] BECAUSE I WAS TOO SMART FOR THEM!

.

**Skyler**: Okay…you were too smart for Harvard, so you moved to Hollywood…to be Chad's assistant?

.

**Shira**: _Temporarily_. Just wait a few years; I'm gonna be huge.

.

**Portlyn**: Yeah, I like, know what you mean. I had a friend that said that, and she's like, totally fat now. Freaky, huh?

.

**Shira**: That's it, I need more intelligent friends. [leaves table]

.

**Chad**: [bursts out laughing and looks at Sonny through the corner of his eye] Hahaha, you're so funny! I like funny girls!

.

**Shira**: [rolls eyes and keeps walking]

.

[Scene changes to Sonny eating at the _So Random!_ Table]

.

**Sonny**: [holding her ick-on-a-stick] Can you guys believe he hired her? I mean, what does he need an assistant for?

.

**Grady**: Well, if I had an assistant, I'd have her make my fro-yo runs and fetch me my bunny slippers. [smiles proudly]

.

**Nico**: I'd tell her to make me a list of girls around here who are single and ready to mingle (grins). Oh, and she'd do my math homework too.

.

**Sonny**: Yeah, so he just has to hire someone who's smart, pretty, feisty, exotic [stops as her ick-on-a-stick flings off the stick and hits someone]

.

**Sonny**: Oops…sorry! [looks guilty as the person runs away]

.

**Tawni**: Oh, relax, he probably did it just to make you jealous.

.

**Sonny**: Yeah? Well, you know what we should do? We should hire someone new too. That'll show him!

.

**Nico**: Well, now that you mention it, we could use a new writer for our show…I mean, ever since Todd quit, you, me, and Marshall have been writing all the sketches. And let me tell you, it's a lot of work to act _and_ write funny.

.

**Sonny**: That's perfect! I'll go remind Marshall to look through the applications. [gets up from table]

.

**Tawni**: Tell him to hire someone tall, dark, and handsome! [grins]

.

**Nico**: Uh, what am I, a piece of garlic bread? There's just no pleasing you, woman!

.

**Sonny**: [rolls eyes and leaves]

.

[Scene changes to Chad entering Shira's office as she talks to some nerds via webcam]

.

**Shira**: Look, all I'm saying is, for the sake of argument, I highly doubt time travel will ever be possible because of all the ramifications. I mean, if we could invent time machines, wouldn't we just go back in time and _give_ ourselves the time machines, thereby eliminating the need to invent them in the first place?

.

**Nerdy girl on webcam**: [gasps, looking shocked]

.

**Shira**: [snaps] What?

.

**Nerdy girl on webcam**: [whispers, staring at Chad] There's a _boy_ in your office!

.

**Shira**: (turns around, then turns back) Oh, that's just my boss. He doesn't know what we're talking about.

.

**Nerdy girl on webcam**: [stands up] I can teach him! I'll teach him everything! Now, I just need to memorize his exact eye color…(drools)

.

**Shira**: Uh, okay, I think I'm having some technical difficulties…the computer's shutting down! I gotta go…[kicks laptop plug out of the wall, making the screen go blank] See ya!

.

**Chad**: Shouldn't you be working? [crosses arms]

.

**Shira**: On the contrary, I believe I'm still on my lunch break. What do you want, Chad?

.

**Chad**: Well, first of all, stop addressing me by my name. You work _for_ me, so I'd like you to call me something like Mr. Cooper, Mr. Universe, Mr. Better-Than-Efron, Boss—

.

**Shira**: [snaps] Fine, _BOSS_. And I gotta know, why are you still so hung up on Zac Efron? No one cares about him anymore!

.

**Chad**: Hmm…[sits down to listen]I like you, keep talking. [puts chin in hands]

.

**Shira**: Okay, well, when _High School Musical_ came out, Zac immediately became the "It Guy." You know, the most popular, A-list teen heartthrob that all the girls fell in love with. But then, the knockoff version _Camp Rock_ came out, and Joe stole the spotlight with his brother Nick.

...Then this thing called _Twilight_ took over, and R-Pattz became the new "It Guy." Of course, that was followed by _New Moon_, which handed the reins to muscle-head Taylor Lautner. Now, however, it's Justin Bieber, and that development is still a mystery to me.

.

**Chad**: Okay…well, thanks for the history lesson on losers who think they're better than me.

.

**Shira**: Well, if you ask me, it's just been going downhill. I mean, Zac Efron was actually good looking. Justin Bieber…well, he looks like he's twelve. [scoffs]

.

**Chad**: Uh-huh. So when was I the It Guy?

.

**Shira**: Haven't you been listening? You were never the It Guy!

.

**Chad**: Well, you know what? I think I can do it…my time has come!

.

**Shira**: That's the spirit! Continue the downhill trend, I like it! If people went crazy over Bieber, they must be lowering their standards…now is the perfect time for you!

.

**Chad**: [glares] Hey, I'll have you know-

.

**Shira**: Relax, I'm kidding…(thinks for a moment) You know, maybe this _could_ work…yeah, maybe you _could_ be the next It Guy! But you can't do it yourself, you gotta let me help you. I studied business and marketing at Harvard, so I know how people's minds work, and I know just how to play it. I could make you Hollywood's new It Guy in less than six months. [smirks]

.

**Chad**: [squints suspiciously] Well, what's in it for you?

.

**Shira**: [smirks] That's for me to know, and you to never find out.

.

**Chad**: Ooh. I don't know…

.

**Shira**: Well, ya better figure it out soon, 'cause this is a one-time-only offer. [gets in his face] In fact, this offer expires in 5,4,3,2-

.

**Chad**: Okay, fine, let's do it! [runs his hands through his hair, looking frustrated] God, so manipulative!

.

**Shira**: [smirks] Hey, I'm a businesswoman…it's what I do!

.

[Scene changes to Sonny and her cast in the prop house]

.

**Marshall**: [walks in] Hey guys, good news! I hired a writer for So Random!

.

**Sonny**: Oh my gosh, that's great! I can't wait to meet him!

.

**Tawni**: I hope he's cute!

.

**Sonny**: And funny! I mean, he _is_ gonna be writing a _comedy_ show.

.

**Marshall**: Well, I have him here right now, you wanna meet him?

.

**Sonny**: Uh, YES!

.

**Marshall**: Okay, come on in, Grant!

.

**Grant**: [walks in] Well, this is no DELTA NUU! But it'll do…

.

[Everyone's jaws drop]

.

**Sonny**: You hired GRADY'S BROTHER?

.

**Marshall**: He had a good resume!

.

**Grady**: Yeah, maybe 'cause he LIES on all of them! When he was applying for college, he wrote that he traveled to Africa and ended poverty. I don't know what tipped them off more; the fact that there is still poverty or the fact that he spelled _Africa_ wrong!

.

**Marshall**: Oh, I'm sure he'll do great…did you know that he came up with the original concept for _Friends_ and _How I Met Your Mother?_

_._

**Grant**: (grins)

.

**Nico**: Yeah, that's _real_ impressive, especially considering the fact that _Friends_ had started airing before Grant could even walk!

.

**Marshall**: I know, right? He's a natural!

.

**Sonny**, Tawni, Nico, and Grady: (groan)

.

[Scene changes to Shira and Chad in Chad's dressing room]

.

**Chad**: [sitting on a stool, holding a guitar] I still don't get why I have to do this.

.

**Shira**: (sighs) It's called _diversifying_, Chad—I mean BOSS. If the other It Guys were triple threats, you gotta be a quadruple threat. Learn to sing, dance, juggle, whatever…you can't _just_ be good at acting. Maybe you could try stand-up comedy!

.

**Chad**: I would _never_ tell _jokes_ to gain approval from people. [scoffs]

.

**Shira**: Okay, then start singing! Show me what ya got!

.

**Chad**: I don't know; I'm not much of a singer…

.

**Shira**: Oh come on, what's singing? Anyone can belt out a few notes, it's not that hard! Let's hear something!

.

**Chad**: Okay, check this out, I wrote this one myself. (Ahem) Chad, Chad, Chaddy Chad, Chad! Chad, Chad, Chaddy Chad Chad! [plays guitar like a wannabe rock star]

.

**Shira**: (covers ears) Okay, maybe you could just lip-synch for your first few shows…

.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So yeah, I know it looks like Shira has some evil sceme behind this whole "It Guy" thing, but don't worry, it's not that bad. :)**

**Anyway, she thinks the "It Guys" have been going downhill...I loved writing that part, 'cause it's kinda true. Here's how I would rank them:**

**1. Zac Efron**-He is just PERFECT looking. And I know no one cares about him anymore, but come on, you know you all had a crush on him when high school musical came out! Great actor, but maybe not the best singer-he sounds autotuned.

**2. Rob Pattinson**-'cause he's got a sexy accent. ;)

**3. Taylor Lautner**-I actually prefer lanky guys to the muscular ones w/ six packs (I like 'em hot, but not too hot, lol) but Taylor's got a nice smile. :) And from what I've seen in interviews, he seems to have a good personality too, really funny and down-to-earth.

**4. Justin Bieber**-(Okay, let's open this can of worms, lol) I'm not a huge fan of this kid, but I'm not a hater, either. (See how mature I am? lol) I think he's okay. I'm glad he's famous, 'cause I like watching parodies of him on YouTube. :) And I'll admit, _Baby_ was kinda catchy. I thought he was kinda cute before he got that haircut. If he grows it back out, I might put him above Taylor Lautner, lol.

**5. Nick/Joe Jonas**-I'll admit, I had a phase where I liked them, but they're just serial daters...what with Miley, Selena, Taylor, Demi, etc. And they're always the ones that end things with the girls. Plus, their music isn't as good as it used to be. :(

**Note: If Chad/Sterling Knight was on the list, he'd be at the top, of course. :)**

**So, how would you guys rank them? (You don't have to answer this; I'm just curious)**

**REVIEW! **


	5. Hire Me Not Part 2

[Scene changes to Sonny and Tawni in their dressing room]

.

**Tawni**: [paces back and forth] You just had to get back at Chad, didn't you? Now we're gonna have _Grant_ writing all our sketches!

.

**Sonny**: I know, I know, I'm sorry! But let's just give him a chance, okay? Who knows, maybe he'll be good at this!

.

**Tawni**: Yeah, and maybe one day, I'll wake up and not be pretty anymore! [scoffs] Never gonna happen!

.

**Sonny**: Okay, well, let's just hear his ideas, and if we don't like them, we'll tell Marshall to fire him. C'mon!

.

**Tawni**: [scoffs again] This should be good. [leaves dressing room with Sonny]

.

[Scene changes to Sonny and Tawni entering the prop house where Nico, Grady, and Grant are having a heated discussion]

.

**Grady**: Uh, okay, so _why_ is that funny again?

.

**Grant**: Don't you get it, lil' bro? The dolphins were the rackets all along! This sketch will be gold! And even if people don't get my clever play on words, they'll laugh 'cause there will be dolphins!

.

**Nico**: So?

.

**Grant**: Uh, anything is funny with dolphins!

.

**Nico**: [notices Sonny and Tawni have entered] Oh, look, Sonny and Tawni are here. Why don't you tell them some of your brilliant ideas?

.

**Grant**: Well, I'd be happy to! (turns to Sonny and Tawni) Okay, so I have this one idea where there's this farm with a bunch of chickens, and there's a giant ax in there, and one chicken dares the other chickens to chop their heads off. But none of them do it! (starts laughing hysterically)

.

**Sonny**: Um, why is that funny?

.

**Grant**: 'Cause they're all too _chicken_, get it? [laughs more]

.

**Sonny**: Uh, yeah, good one…[looks weirded out] I'm sure it'll be a real _hoot_.

.

**Grant**: Naw, my owl idea's gonna be a hoot. This one's more like a _cluck_. [bursts out laughing again]

.

**Tawni**: [mutters to Sonny] Can we get him fired _now?_

_._

**Sonny**: Oh, come on Tawni, he just needs to find his comedy style; maybe he'll get the hang of it!

.

**Grant**: Oh, and wait 'till I write out my duck idea! It's gonna be a real _quack-up!_ Get it? [laughs again]

.

**Sonny**: Okay, he's gotta go.

.

**Tawni**: Thank you!

.

[Commercial Cut]

.

[Scene changes to Chad and Shira, who are back in Shira's office]

.

**Chad**: [on the phone] Okay, great! I'll be there at five! Yeah, you too, thanks! [hangs up phone] Okay, it's set. I'm gonna be singing and doing this meet-and-greet thing at the mall.

.

**Shira**: Yes, that's perfect. Do as many meet-and-greet things as you can. Because if a fan sees you in person, gets your autograph, and maybe even a chance to talk to you, they'll become even more obsessed with you.

They'll buy tickets to your shows, write comments and letters about you to celebrity magazines, and brag to their friends that they met you, therefore increasing your popularity by about 7.22% per meet-and-greet. [adjusts reading glasses and holds out notebook]

...Of course, that's a relative figure, since I'm measuring your popularity by the number of followers you have on Flitter. If you want a more accurate representation, you can—

.

**Chad**: [interrupts] Okay, okay, do meet-and-greets, I got it. What else do I gotta do?

.

**Shira**: Well, my next tip would be to utilize social networks to your full advantage. If you're doing a meet-and-greet or a mini-concert, announce it on Flitter; tell your fans where you'll be. Better yet, make a little video blog.

The more viewers and subscribers you have, the more your popularity will rise. We can make the make the first video right now! [pulls out phone]

…Now, say where you'll be tomorrow, and then say "so, I hope I'll see y'all tomorrow at my mini-concert-slash-meet and greet-slash-whateva ya wanna do, baby!" And then give the camera a sly wink. [winks]

.

**Chad**: [makes a face] Yeah, I don't know if that's a good idea. What if they take that seriously and try to kiss me or touch my hair? [shudders]

.

**Shira**: They're not gonna do that; they're more scared of you than you are of them. And this is absolutely necessary. You gotta say stuff that's gonna make the ladies swoon, so more of them will come. Do you wanna be the It Guy or not?

.

**Chad**: [sighs] Is this really gonna make more girls come to this thing?

.

**Shira**: Of course! Can't you do the math? You gotta use the desperation coefficient!

.

**Chad**: Which is?

.

**Shira**: Number of years spent single plus dress size squared. (writes numbers in air and grins)

.

**Chad**: (rolls eyes, smiling) Of course…

.

[Scene changes to Sonny in Marshall's office]

.

**Sonny**: [enters office] Um, Hi, Marshall.

.

**Marshall**: Just a second…[clicks away at the computer, and chimes are heard] Okay, I swept all the mines. You're free to come in. What can I do for you?

.

**Sonny**: Well, you know how you hired Grant to be our writer?

.

**Marshall**: Yeah, is he great or what?

.

**Sonny**: Actually, no. His idea of comedy is chickens getting their heads cut off.

.

**Marshall**: [smile falters] Well, A for effort though, right?

.

**Sonny**: Yeah, well, I talked to the rest of the cast, and they all want him gone. Out of the 23-or-so ideas he just came up with, not one of them was even close to funny. I hate to say this, but you've gotta fire him.

.

**Marshall**: See, I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this.

.

**Sonny**: Well, me neither, but—

.

**Marshall**: No, you don't understand. See, I'm really bad at firing people. It all started when I first got this job…

.

[Scene flashes back to Marshall who had hair back then]

.

**Marshall**: See, I was very eager to start directing. I was driving to the studio in my new car, and as I was pulling into the parking space, I accidentally ran over Dakota's pet frog, Julius. And that little girl couldn't even talk back then, but somehow, she found a way to rat me out.

.

**Flashback Dakota**: [goes up to Mr. Condor and holds up a picture of a car and a picture of a frog. She slaps the car picture over the frog picture repeatedly and points to Marshall]

.

**Marshall**: (narrating) And then Mr. Condor chewed me out big time.

.

**Flashback Mr. Condor**: Marshall, do you have any idea how much Julius meant to my little girl? She caught that frog when we went camping and it peed in her hand, but she didn't get mad at all! That frog has made her the loving little girl she is today, and because you destroyed that, YOU'RE FIRED!

.

[Flashback scene ends]

.

**Sonny**: Oh my God, that's terrible…

.

**Marshall**: Yeah. Anyway, I did end up getting my job back after two weeks of begging and buying Dakota a new frog, but I was still scarred from the memory…(chokes up)

.

**Sonny**: Aw, and you couldn't fire anyone after that?

.

**Marshall**: Well, the last person I had to fire was Mandy, the girl that was here before you. She was always late for rehearsals; never took the job seriously. So Mr. Condor told me to fire her.

.

**Sonny**: And?

.

**Marshall**: I ended up begging her to quit. I wrote her a fantastic recommendation letter, and now she got a part in a major motion picture.

.

**Sonny**: [groans] oh, come on!

.

**Marshall**: I'm sorry, Sonny. But if you want Grant gone, you're gonna be the one breaking it to him.

.

**Sonny**: What? I can't fire people either!

.

**Marshall**: How do you know? You've never even tried it!

.

**Sonny**: (sighs) Fine, I guess I'll try. [opens door to leave] And if I can't, I better start looking for a chicken costume!

.

[Scene changes to Chad and Shira at a local mall]

.

**Chad**: [behind the set-up stage with Shira, takes off his strap-on guitar] Aw, man, I can't do this. What if I get caught lip-synching?

.

**Shira**: [puts the guitar back on him] You're not gonna get caught, Boss. And even if you do, you can just make some joke about it and laugh it off. No one will care; you're not even a professional singer yet! It's all fair game!

.

**Chad**: [sighs] Okay, I guess I can do it.

.

**Shira**: All right…now get out there and win some hearts! Oh, and one more tip: pick one less lonely girl.

.

**Chad**: What?

.

**Shira**: Y'know, pick a girl from the crowd, get her on stage, serenade her, make her feel special. Bieber does it, and it drives the chicks wild, trust me.

.

**Chad**: [scoffs] I don't even have a song called _"One Less Lonely Girl."_

_._

**Shira**: Doesn't matter, just pick someone! How about her? [points out a plain-looking girl in the thin crowd]

.

**Chad**: [smirks] Or her…[points to a hot blonde]

.

**Shira**: Oh, sure, pick the hottest girl here; that's not shallow at all! [rolls eyes]

.

**Chad**: I'm not shallow, Shira! I just sometimes tend to judge people by how they look!

.

**Shira**: Oh, well, that's different! [rolls eyes again]

.

**Chad**: You know, I could really do without your sarcasm.

.

**Shira**: Yeah, well, the thing is…you gotta pick a girl here who's _not_ the best looking, 'cause it gives all the other girls hope! Don't you get how these things work? [scans crowd] Okay, you're picking her. [points out crazed-looking girl with thick glasses, bright pink streaks, zits, and braces with headgear]

.

**Chad**: [winces] Ugh, fine. Go get her.

.

**Shira**: Got it. [walks up to crazy pink-streaked girl] Hey, would you like to be Chad Dylan Cooper's "one less lonely girl"?

.

**Crazy girl**: Uh, do toilets flush? (squeals with excitement) OF COURSE I WOULD!

.

**Shira**: Great! Come with me…[walks back to Chad]

.

**Crazy Girl**: [reaches Chad and throws her arms around him, shrieking excitedly] OH MY GOD, CHAD DYLAN COOPER! I'M GONNA BE THE BEST ONE LESS LONELY GIRL YOU'VE EVER HAD! [cries]

.

**Chad**: [mouths] Help me!

.

**Shira**: (smirks) Hey, get used to it, Mr. Better-than-Efron!

.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, that was Part 2...reviews are a great motivator (hint, hint). Tell me what you thought! :)**


	6. Hire Me Not Part 3

[Time/Scene changes to the next day in the cafeteria]

**Chad**: [stands in line with Shira and gets food] I can't believe I made that girl faint.

**Shira**: [behind Chad, gets food and smirks] Yeah, that was awesome!

**Chad**: I mean, it wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't have me in a death grip when she fell…but she managed to take me down with her. [groans and rubs shoulder]

**Shira**: [laughs at the memory and eyes his shoulder] Yeah, you might wanna get some ice on that.

**Chad**: Yeah, I should. Thanks for the help, by the way. I got a lot more followers on Flitter after I put up pictures of that meet-and-greet. [grins]

**Shira**: No problem. [watches him walk away]

**Tawni**: [Comes up to get food and sees Shira] Hey, Miss Harvard…you do know he's just using you to get more famous, right?

**Shira**: [shrugs] That's okay, he's paying me. And did you ever think that maybe this was all part of my master plan? [grins smugly]

**Tawni**: Oh? How so?

**Shira**: It's simple…the more famous Chad gets, the more he's worth. I've been stealing little things from him over the past few days…nothing big, just a few autographed posters, guitar strings, used napkins, locks of hair I carefully cut as he took a nap on the couch…

**Tawni**: Okayy…that's not creepy at all…

**Shira**: It really isn't. Because if he really does become the next Efron or Bieber, that hair is gonna be worth a small fortune. And when you've got your own apartment and your own bills to pay, a small fortune really comes in handy. [makes motion with thumb and index finger to indicate money]

**Tawni**: Oh yeah? And what if I tell him about this "master plan"? You know how Chad flips out when people touch his hair…

**Shira**: (sighs) Tawni, how would you like a lock of that precious blond mane?

**Tawni**: (smirks) Throw in two autographed posters…

**Shira**: Deal. [shakes Tawni's hand]

[Scene changes to Chad walking by the Random's table]

**Chad**: Oh, hello, Randoms. I see you hired Grant…

**Grant**: Yup, I'm a working man now…I'm the new _So Random!_ writer!

**Chad**: Ah…just when I thought the show couldn't possibly get any lamer…

**Grant**: Actually, I haven't written any episodes yet. But don't worry, if the show's lame now, I'm totally gonna change that! It's gonna be like, evolution, man!

**Chad**: Uh huh, can't wait! [pumps fist with fake enthusiasm and casually sits next to Sonny] So Sonny…I got like, a thousand more followers on Flitter last night…it's so weird, I mean, they all seem to like me, but I don't know why…it could be my flawless looks, my charm, my down-to-Earth personality—

**Sonny**: Yeah, yeah, not now, Chad. [looks at Grant and takes a deep breath] Grant, there's something I gotta tell you. This isn't easy for me to say, but-

**Grant**: Oh, yeah, I gotta tell you something too. I'll go first…it's your name. Y'know, Sonny's not a very hot name. As _So Random!_'s new writer, I'm gonna make your stage name something more feisty. Whaddaya think, _Natasha?_

**Chad**: [chuckes and nudges Sonny] Suddenly, I'm lookin' pretty good, huh? [grins]

**Sonny**: [shakes head with a half smile]

**Grant**: So yeah, what'd you wanna tell me?

**Sonny**: Well, uh, I hate to break it to you, but you're, uh, you—(looks nervous)

**Grant**: [looks at her expectantly]

**Sonny**: Uh…you can't change anybody's names on the show.

**Grant**: Aw, okay, fair enough. Guess I'll go come up with some new sketches now…I have this awesome one about a bird flying into a window, you're gonna love it! [leaves cafeteria]

**Chad**: Well, good luck keeping your barely-there ratings!

**Sonny**: Ugh, why can't I fire people? [puts head in hands]

**Tawni**: [walks over to the table] What? You haven't fired him yet?

**Sonny**: No! I'm even worse than Marshall!

**Tawni**: Well, you better fire him soon, unless you _want_ the show to get cancelled.

**Shira**: [comes up to table] Hey, c'mon Boss, let's go to the mall.

**Chad**: Why?

**Shira**: Another It Guy tip: make public appearances without a disguise. If people see you somewhere, they'll tell their friends and the paparazzi will be all over you. That will, in turn, increase your popularity by about—

**Chad**: (interrupts) Okay, okay, I'll go!

**Sonny**: [smirks] Trying to beat Zac Efron in Flitter followers?

**Chad**: Even better, I'm gonna be the next It Guy! You'll see, that Bieber kid won't know what hit him! Woo! [pumps fists and leaves with Shira]

**Tawni**: [laughs]

**Sonny**: What's so funny?

**Tawni**: Nothing, it's just…he's so ambitious! (cackles again) Even if he does become the next "It Guy", he's gonna get buried by Greyson Chance in like a month, anyways!

**Sonny**: [chuckles] Oh, come on…

**Grady**: My money's on Cody Simpson!

[Scene changes to Chad and Shira in Chad's car]

**Chad**: [examines his hair in the rearview mirror] Is this a bald spot?

**Shira**: [looks guilty] Uh, NO!

**Chad**: It kinda looks like one…oh my God, here's another one!

**Shira**: [eyes dart back and forth] Oh, what are you, some kind of bald spot-expert now? You're seventeen, it'll grow back! And let's go, you're gonna be late!

**Chad**: You drive…[chokes up and looks in another mirror]…I don't think I should be behind the wheel right now!

**Shira**: [rolls eyes and the two switch seats]

[Scene changes to Marshall and Sonny in the prop house]

**Marshall**: Okay, Sonny, why'd you call me in here? Did you fire Grant yet?

**Sonny**: Well, not in so many words…[eyes dart back and forth]

**Marshall**: I'm outta here [bolts to the door]

**Sonny**: [holds door shut] No, Marshall, we can't let our fear of firing people get in the way! We're gonna do this together…and stop sweating; he'll be back here any second now!

**Marshall**: Okay, okay…[wipes head and paces back and forth] I can do this…Grant, you're the opposite of hired. Grant, the building will explode tomorrow, so it would be best if you didn't come to work. Grant, PLEASE QUIT, I BEG OF YOU!

**Sonny**: Would you relax? We're just going to tell him, straight up, that he's—

**Grant**: [enters the prop house and interrupts] tell me what? Oh, and by the way, Sonny, you should really be wearing some more makeup when you're on camera. I mean, it's a TV show, not a trip to the gym, am I right?

**Sonny**: [scoffs in disbelief] Okay, that's it. Grant, get outta here. You're fired.

**Marshall**: Yes! I approve of this! Unless you really need this job…[slaps hand over mouth quickly]

**Grant**: Oh my God, YES! FINALLY! THANK YOU!

**Sonny**: [raises eyebrow] Excuse me?

**Grant**: Didn't you see what I was doing? I've been trying to get fired since day one! I never wanted all these stupid summer jobs my mom made me apply to! I just wanna goof off with mah frat boys!

**Sonny**: Oh, well, isn't that a surprise?

**Marshall**: Oh, thank God! [breathes long sighs of relief]

**Grant**: Yeah, well, thanks for the opportunity, guys, but I'm gonna get outta here now…DELTA NUU! [leaves]

**Sonny**: [turns to Marshall who is still bent over breathing heavily] See, now, that wasn't so bad!

[Commercial Cut]

**Chad**: [limps into the studio on a crutch with a black eye and messed-up hair and clothes] I can't believe I got mobbed at the mall…this never happens to me!

**Shira**: [walks in after him] Yeah, those girls went after you pretty hard…but that just means it's working!

**Chad**: [plops down on a couch and runs his hands through his hair] Yeah, you can forget about that…I don't wanna be the It Guy anymore. [shudders]

**Shira**: What? NO! Did I raise you to be a quitter?

**Chad**: You didn't raise me! And this was just crazy, so—

**Shira**: (interrupts) Hey, hey…this is just part of the process! Do you have any idea how many girls go after Justin Bieber when he goes out?

**Chad**: _Justin BIEBER_ has a bunch of bodyguards and a whole security team. All I have is a 95-pound assistant who leaves to get a pretzel while I'm being tackled by fans!

**Shira**: FINE, don't be the It Guy! [grabs a small box from a shelf and shoves it at him] Guess I won't be needing this anymore…

**Chad**: What's this? [opens box slowly]

**Shira**: A box of hair. It's worthless now. [leaves with a huff]

**Chad**: [lets out a loud, girly scream once he realizes it's his hair]

.

**THE END**

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><p><strong>AN: Review, guys! Tell me what you liked, I love getting feedback! :)**


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